Advices to New submissives ...

This page is dedicated to all submissive men and women who want to learn, grow and live a small part of their rt life in our vt community. Here you'll find advices, help, thoughts and experiences from other submissives, both men and women, who also, once upon a time, where new around here, it's also a haven, a place for us those who have been around but want to share their wiew and their experience with others. If you'd like to contribute to this page, please send your thoughts and advices to the address below. Thankyou all.

IN THE BEGINNING.......

what a strange and exciting place this is... look at A/all of these people here... there are so many... and i'm not sure what it is exactly... but i find this place so intriguing and... well... yes... even exciting... but who are these people... how can i get them to notice me... what is the proper way to act... i mean, they seem to have their own rules down here...

first... allow me to both welcome you and assure you that you are both welcome and certainly not alone in your feelings and curiousities... this place is indeed most unlike other realms you may have ventured into on the web... it appears especially so when you first arrive... but, as you spend some time here, you will come to see that it is not so different after all... remembering how overwhelming it was for me when i first arrived, these are some thoughts which i hope will enhance your experience... thses are only my thoughts, and you will see that many will disagree... but that is one of the splendors of this realm... that E/each blossoms in T/their own way... as you will too...



when you first arrive either at the Basement, at Bianca's Smut Shack, or here at the Nest, you will likely see many people conversing... naturally, everyone wishes to be noticed and accepted... the first thing you must do to begin this journey is get an understanding of who these people are... here at the Nest, you should click on the link, located just below the picture at the top of the screen called... The Nest's guidelines... in the Basement, it is located at the very top of the page and is entitled a BD/SM zone... each of these two links will be invaluable to your experience here... give you some background into who W/we are, and what general rules of conduct are expected...



as both of these realms deal with Dominance and submission, the roles of those involved must be defined... this is done through the use of Capital (Caps) letters (or lack thereof) in O/one's handles and speach... Those with caps are usuall either Dom/mes, Masters/Mistresses, or sometimes Neutrals (those who are really neither, but enjoy the realm... those without caps are submissives (subs)... this is not to say that subs are inferior beings... nothing could be farther from the truth... but rather that the Dom/me and the sub are like two sides of the same coin... each required to make the whole... each bringing to the relationship that which is needed by the O/other... the thing that is paramount to remember always, is that each must be shown respect... a topic we shall go into more shortly...



Watch and Learn...
Which am I/i? how do i know what kind of handle to take?... if you have previous experience with BD/SM, either in real time (rt) or from somewhere else on the web called virtual time (vt), you may already know what both your desires and tendencies are... if not, rest assured that you are not alone in seeking this answer... many people, most in this writer's mind, find it necessary to experiment to some degree with both sides to find their true selves... but some will know immediately... if you are uncertain as to which is right for you, there is one truth which applies to everything unknown... Watch and Learn... O/one can learn much about something new by observing the actions and interactions between others... especially in a realm where roles are so defined as they are here... think of this... you start a new job, you are anxious to do well, to meet co-workers, to impress the boss... do you usually jump right in on the very first day, spouting opinions, recommending changes which you think need to be made... offering your evaluations of the conduct of others... do you stomp your feet if within the first few minutes everyone doesn't drop what they are doing and focus all of their attentions on you? probably not... and here it is no different... O/one is usually better served to enter a new society, if you will, by easing in... by observing who is who, how things are done, what the rules of conduct seem to be, learning who the 'Power Players' are... how others get their attentions... taking the time to learn exactly what is expected... does this mean that you must hide in the shadows until you are well versed and familiar with your new surroundings? certainly not... but just as you would do in any new surroundings... you might be better served to be somewhat cautious, to guard your comments just a bit, until you understand how your words and actions will be interpretted by those who are new to you... and as you would also do in your new job... as you found those who seemed simular to you, you might quietly ask for some assistance... to help you answer the questions you have as they arise... it is no different here... in fact, i think you will find that because the nature of the realm, relationships here are usually more intense than you might find in other places... even among F/friends... and so usually you will find there are more who are glad to help, to offer advice, to share the knowledge gained from T/their experiences when approached properly... so, don't be afraid to invest a little time and enhance your experience by watching and learning...



What About Respect?
as i stated earlier, each within this realm, just as in real life, will blossom in T/their own way... some more deeply devoted to this lifestyle than others... but another truth which remains is that respect must be shown to O/others for any relationship to have any worth... and again, with the nature of the realm, showing O/others respect will never fail to be a most valuable asset to you in whichever role you seek to be... how does one show respect? what is expected? how will O/others be affected by my actions, and how i show T/them respect? being that i am a sub, i shall address these questions from the subs point of view... as respect can be shown, and will be expected in all that you say and do... let's start with some of the basics...



Entering and Approaching O/others...
you will see many different styles of entering either the Basement or the Nest... some much more expressive than O/others... some go into great detail as to what they are wearing, how that makes them look and feel... others simply enter, or fade in, or arrive and start chatting... as you observe how O/others enter, see for yourself what you feel you learn of them, or perhaps their mood by merely looking at their entrance... then, find a style that appeals to you... especially when you are new, you can gain insight as to who people are from their entrances... just as they can learn about you... do not be afraid to be expressive... in your descriptions of your dress or actions... as since W/we are limited to the written word, expression becomes paramount... no O/one will ridicule you for trying, and you can change you entrances as little or as often as you like... as your mood or experiences change, and as your role becomes more well defined... as you make F/friends, you may want to ask someone for some help to spice yours up... remember... the whole point of being here is to enjoy oneself and O/others... so don't be afraid to have some fun and try new things...

written by markuss




Online relationships
Online relationships may seem as though they are empty and lacking a great many things, which they are. There are however a great number of positive things about them, especially for someone who is interested in exploring her/his submissive desires. It can be much too late to say no once you are already tied to a bed with a gag in your mouth.

An online relationship is somewhat like window shopping, you get to look around, picture how it looks on you, but there is no commitment to buy. As long as it stays online, all you have to do is say no to end things. If you run into a problem guy who just won't leave you along, you have two pretty easy options:

1.Seek the protection of some of the regulars, they will most likely add their help, if you express yourself.
2.Be honest and tell the person upfront that you don't wish His/Hers attention. Curtsey is always the best, but if it don't help, be bold. you're here to learn and have fun, not to be abused.
Be stingy with the information you give out about yourself that can be used to track you down, things like your phone number, and address. and be selective with your email in the beginning, there are places, soi, hotmail and others which provides anon email addresses.



Trying everything out online gives you a good bit more control over the pace and tempo of your exploration. There are however several drawbacks to net-only realtionships. Chief among these is the actual lack of being touched, tied up, spanked, whipped and fucked. This leads many who like the online submission to meet their dom in real life. Do not, however underestimate the "mindgames", it can be very powerful and without the RT, sometimes even deeper, as the ways of expressing oneself are limited and therefor much depending on the things going on inside, both in your head as a sub and in the mind of your Dom.

Advice for online relationships, and meeting your Dom
1.Get to know your dom before you meet them
2.Check out their references. Talk to people they've met before, find out things that they haven't/won't tell you.
3.Meet first in a public place. Don't be afraid to limit the first meeting to be entirely in that public area. Let someone you trust know who you're with, and where you are, and when you expect to be home. Trust them to call the police if you don't return on time. Call them if plans change!
4.Don't let them push you into meeting or scening with them before you are ready to do so. If they insist consistently, leave the relationship.
5.Agree on a safeword(s)
6.Do not rush into things
7.If spending time alone with your dom, arrange a check in phone call with a friend. Use code phrases to say "Everything is fine" or "Help, get me out of here".



Things to look for in a Dom
Honesty and trustworthiness are the most important traits because they should be common to all doms. Things which you should look for depending on your taste are openness (or do you prefer the mystery man?), gentleness (far from all subs want gentleness from their dom though, so look to yourself for your desires), even-temper (or someone who blows up - though be careful because the line between BDSM and abuse is very narrow, and easy to stumble across), sense of humor (again, to some the ideal dom doesn't ever laugh) and understanding (though some prefer to be punished strictly for everything they do, other subs desire understanding and forgiveness).

Look for someone who tries to get to know you, at least as far as knowing your interests and desires in BDSM. If your fantasy is to be treated as an object, and not to have your own interests explored but simply to have your activites dictated/controlled you wouldn't do well with someone who wants to know everything about you, and of course if you dont want to be treated as an object make sure the Dom you pick understands it. Don't automatically assume that someone is right for you just because they call themselves a dom, we're all individuals and have our own problems, faults and quirks. Not all who label themselves as dom actually are either, there are a large number of guys out there who will approach you as a dom if they perceive you to be a sub, but the same guys will approach you as a sub if they thing you are domme.



Above all else, take some time and talk to a prospective dom. Ask them questions about themselves and about how they would handle you, don't be afraid to be specific either if there's something you think you need to be handled on way or another.

Be honest, first and furthermost to yourself, your needs, wants, wishes and dreams. Second, be honest to the Dom/s you meet. If you're being asked about your limits, dont say; "i'll do everything You wish Master/Mistress" .. or "i dont have any limits, do whatever You want.." .. that's NOT true. Everybody has limits, if you're not sure about them (noone are) say so, if you have specific dreams/fantasies you would like to explore tell the Master/Mistress about them, otehrwise they wont know. No Dom, can read minds. (even if some would like to have that skill). Communication is important.

If you seek vt only, tell Him/Her, if you seek VT leading into RT say so, if you seek a mate/lover/further husband/wife be honest and say so, if you already are married or living with a SO (significant other) tell your Dom.... and tell these things before you and/or He/She falls in love and it's too late. Honesty leads to communication ...which leads to trust ...which leads to security and comfort. No relationship is healthy without these stones, and don't go for second best...ever.

Be true to yourself.
What do i seek here ? What do i want to explore/learn ? Answer these questions and then try to find He/She who might be compatiable to yourself.
Be "picky". Be patient. And please, NEVER EVER accept a collar from one you just met. How much you long for it, how bad you want to be "a collared slave", how much you ache to belong to someone. Dont !!!!!!





alrighty now...Hello, i am passion.....i have been and on-line submissive now for about 18 months...and a r/t sub for about 10 years....i love this lifestyle...but there are some very very important points for newbies and older more experienced subs to understand...i will let you A/all know that i am bi sexual..but have not had a r/t or v/t Mistress..i have played with a couple...but never accepted a collar...so most of my experiences here will be directed toward Dom males...



okay...let's get right to it....

submissive's have rights...you need not be submisive to Everyone...a good Dom loves when the sub shows loyalty and backbone... a little spunk is a turn on to most Doms...respect of course is of the utmost importance..always respect a Dom who addresses you...because in giving respect you earn respect....a hint:.."there are some Doms that i have found that i do not respect and do not wish to converse with...i handle this situation by being very polite...should They address me...but if They do not address me..then i can ignore them or config. them from my screen..thus taking care of that problem"..config is always better when dealing with unrulys...try your best to never get into confrontation with a Dom in public...if you need to confront a Dom...do so in private...that goes along with personal problems you are having with Doms...i am sure that emotions can and do run high here..but coming in mopeing...crying..pouting.. complaining about your Dom or other Doms does not make you look good....



here is a little list i have found that has alot of good information about on-line relationships...i have lived through some of these and wished that i had seen this sooner....please take the time to read this carefully...

READING THE SIGNS: THE DO'S, DON'TS--AND DANGERS-- OF DATING ONLINE

Before you get seriously involved with someone you meet on-line, read this section for tips on the perils of cyber-relationships. In our opinion, cyber is actually no more dangerous than reality--as we know all too well, women are fooled every day in real life by con artists, gigolos, liars, and dogs. However, cyber presents DIFFERENT dangers than reality. You may not have to worry about direct sexual contact, for example, but you DO have to worry whether someone is representing himself accurately to you. To avoid a disastrous liaison,take our advice and learn to read the signs below.



GOOD SIGN: After a few exchanges, he volunteers his full name, home and work numbers and possibly his address (or company name).

THE REASON: He sees you as a real person whom he thinks he may want in his real life. He trusts you enough to know you won't abuse the information, and feels comfortable about letting you know him better.

BAD SIGN: He asks you for some or all of the above, but makes excuses for why he can't provide you with same. OR he only gives you a post office box address or a voicemail number. THE REASON: There are a lot of married men out there. Need we say more? If a man is seriously interested in dating you, and is free to do so, he has no reason to conceal this information from you, particularly if he is requesting such details from you.

GOOD SIGN: He reassures you that he will wait until you trust him enough to give him your personal information.

THE REASON: He is taking your feelings into consideration. Men know that many women are nervous about meeting strangers through this medium. The nice ones will give you a chance to get to know them and will give you their info first, as a goodwill gesture.



BAD SIGN: He insists that you give him your phone number and address right away.

THE REASON: He is trying to bully you into a relationship. He apparently feels that if you DID get to know him, you wouldn't GIVE him that information. If he feels that way, so should you: don't let ANYONE talk you into revealing where you live or work until you have good reason to believe he can be trusted.

GOOD SIGN: He offers to send you a current photo of himself.

THE REASON: Another point in his favor, on the honesty front. Be he handsome or plain, if he is willing to put his ego on the line by sending you a photo, he certainly is sincere.

BAD SIGN: He makes excuses for why he can't send you a current photo.

THE REASON: He is not who he says he is.

Take a tip from Lillie who had TWO bad experiences before deciding she would never date anyone she met in cyber until she was sure she had a current photo. "I met one man through the on-line personals who seemed very sincere and nice, but in his email he said he was in his early 50s but looked in his 40s. Then we met and it turned out he was in his 60s--and looked it!" Lillie insists that his age didn't bother her as much as the fact that he lied. "I understand why he did it, but I figured that if he'd lie to get me to meet him, he'd lie about other things too."



The second experience, though, upset her. "I met him in IRC and we flirted for a while. Then he emailed me this nude photo of a GQ-model type! For weeks I kept writing him email, joking, 'Is this really you? Nobody's this good-looking!' I'm not really that looks-conscious, but his picture blew my mind." The man assured her that it was him, though he said it was taken a few years previously, and that he looked a little older now.

The romance soon was hot and heavy. They began talking on the phone nightly and, after a few weeks, planned their first big night together.

When Lillie arrived for their meeting, however, she was shocked. "I don't think it was even him!" she wails. "Or if it was, he had changed so much that he should never have sent me that picture in the first place. He was NOTHING like the photo and, in fact, he didn't even act the way he did on the phone either. He had said all these romantic things on the phone but when we met it was obvious he was just looking for sex. I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me. I left early and never talked to him again."

GOOD SIGN: He asks to meet you in live chat.

THE REASON: This is usually considered the next friendly step in communicating after either an email exchange (if you met through an ad service) or a public discussion (if you met on a UseNet board). The typical cyberlove progression is message exchange, live-chat, then telephone, then a real-life encounter.

BAD SIGN: He tells you that he doesn't want you to let anyone else in a live-chat area or on a discussion board know that you are having a cyber-affair.

THE REASON: He is trying to hide something. It could be that he is simultaneously romancing other women from the same areas (as happened a few years ago on the select network, "The Well," when a man was discovered to have been dating 15 women all at the same time, while swearing to each that he was monogamous). Or it could be that he already has a bad reputation and is afraid that if you tell people you are involved with him, they will give you details of his sordid past. Whatever the reason, if he is trying to prevent you from talking to others, show him the cyber-door.



GOOD SIGN: After a few weeks of on-line flirtation, he begins talking about arranging a meeting.

THE REASON: He is beginning to make plans for your relationship and is thinking ahead. He is also politely accepting the responsibility of being the one to "make the first move."

BAD SIGN: After many months of flirtation, he is STILL talking about meeting--with no precise date in sight.

THE REASON: If he isn't married, then he is either involved with someone else, ambivalent about you, or he finds it more convenient to keep you inside his computer where he can turn you on and off with the power switch--or possibly all three. Don't be gullible. Once your connection is made in cyber, your relationship should proceed like a normal one, with in-person contact to be a logical next step.

EVEN WORSE SIGN: He begins making plans to see you after talking to you only once or twice.

THE REASON: He is desperate. If he tries to convince you to see him, avoid him completely. Mainly men like this are young and eager (not to mention horny), but their haste can mean your waste. Never bend to pressure when a CyberRomeo tries to talk you into a meeting that you feel uneasy about.

GOOD SIGN: He writes you sweet love-notes every day.

THE REASON: It means he cares and that he wants to let you know that you are often in his thoughts. Rosemarie says that she looked forward to getting Cal's daily "good morning" and "good night" notes--even though most were only one sentence long. "That was more than enough to let me know he missed me, which is all I really wanted to hear," she says.

BAD SIGN: He writes you sweet love-notes 20 times a day.

THE REASON: He's obsessed. He may not be dangerous, but he certainly isn't very stable. If he's overly prolific occasionally, chalk it up to amorous exuberance: but if obsessive letters are a habit for him, drop HIM like a bad one.

EVEN WORSE SIGN: He vanishes for periods of time without explanation.

THE REASON: Women cite the sudden disappearances of cybersweethearts as the number one cause of heartbreak on-line. There is no one reason why people drop out of correspondence--it may be that they had a personal or professional crisis. But, alas, more often, it's simply because they're insincere.

This medium allows insincere and cowardly men simply to vanish into the ether at whim, without fear of being traced. If all you have is an email address, you really are left empty-handed. It is most typical for people to use handles (so you can never be certain you know their real names); and unless you already know his name and the city he lives in (and unless he is listed), you have no way of locating him. Women report feeling abandoned, betrayed, and emotionally devastated when men they corresponded with for months suddenly stop writing, without explanation.



"We wrote each other for three months, constantly," Amanda says bitterly about a man she met on CB-Simulator. "We were finalizing plans to meet, in fact, I'd already made hotel reservations for us, at his suggestion. Then, suddenly, he stopped writing. I got frantic. I thought he had died. All I had was a post office address, no phone number, nothing. I knew he lived in Chicago, but when I called information, he wasn't listed! Finally, after about two months of sending him email and letters to his post office box, asking what was going on, I heard from him. He wrote and said he was sorry, but he had gotten married!" She still feels distraught over her lack of judgment. "The whole time he was making plans with me, he was engaged to her!"

Our tip: Be a little less trusting of men on-line than you would be of ones you meet in reality. Try not to get too emotionally involved with a man until you've moved BEYOND cyber to phone-calls or other, realer forms of contact.

Also, beware of sudden unexplained absences during your correspondence (is his wife reading over his shoulder? is his girlfriend in town?). And if a quibble or a serious question from you results in a long silence on his end, be cautious: if all it took was a slight amount of pressure to make him to vanish for a few days, what would happen if you had a real disagreement? Would you ever hear from him again?



GOOD SIGN: In addition to regular conversation about daily life, he loves to tease you and exchange naughty fantasies with you.

THE REASON: He's got some life in him. With morals generally looser in cyber, it's common for email romancers to be freer with their words and affections on-line than they would be off. A little healthy flirtation is a good sign that he has romance in mind.

BAD SIGN: Sex is the main topic of his conversation. Or, put another way, all roads lead to his penis.

THE REASON: He likes you but his hormones are slowly destroying his powers of reason. He may still be interested in a long-term relationship, but you can already guess where the emphasis will be. Hint: not your mind. On the other hand, every cloud has a silver lining: men like this are much easier to lead around since they come with their own handles.

EVEN WORSE SIGN: Sex is the ONLY topic of his conversation.

THE REASON: He doesn't see you as a real person but as a fantasy facilitator. Test him: try to turn the conversation to other topics and see if he has anything interesting to say about them. If he keeps trying to steer it back to sex, don't hesitate to take the bull by the horn and break it off.

DANGER! DANGER! THE WORST SIGN OF ALL! He wants to talk to you about sex but he won't give you any personal information about himself and is always vague when you ask about meeting.

THE REASON: You're being played for a fool, girlfriend. He has no intention of seeing you, but has found a cheap and convenient way to get his rocks off, with the added satisfaction that you are a "nice girl" who's giving it away for free rather than the phone-sex operators he was spending his money on last year. As soon as your feelings grow serious, expect him to sign off forever.



okay...well there it is...should anyone like to contact me..i can be reached here at soi....as firey passion or fireypassion@hyperchat.com...should you want to mail me...

good luck...and most of all...be careful!!!!

written by firey passion




my story ..
where to begin? it started such a *long* time ago, it seems. when i was new in the Basement .. i mean really new .. didn't know anything *about* BD/SM .. just that i thought the room looked "cool". the first night i was there was a whirl-wind. i guess i was lucky that i came in while the room was still kind of new itself .. only about a half a year had gone by before i came in, and i blossmed and grew along with the room as the months went by. so, anyway, on the first night, i was noticed and taken aside by two Men that i am to this day still friends with. which i feel very Fortunate for. it was a wonderful night, and probably quite unlike the First Nights for any other sub that came down into the Basement.



although, i was like you. i was scared and unsure of myself. i didn't know where i fit into the room. i was a Neutral at first. but i knew .. i had this feeling inside of me .. that told me that i wanted so much more than that. i floated about in the room. my eyes popping Out of my Head when i finally noticed the submissive women down there. i really didn't like the fact that they were treated as so. i didn't know then, as i do now .. that they Wanted to be treated that way. so, being like i was, naive and nice, i Capped the names of everyone. that faded away quickly as i just became kind of lazy with doing it.

like i said before, i didn't know what i wanted in or from the Basement. i had the usual love affairs every now and then whilst being a Neutral. but that started to get in the way of things .. that i wanted these Men that were Doms, but i couldn't offer to them what they truly wanted. so, eventually, i decided to try it out. i did a spin-off of my handle without a Cap. and it was scary at first. i didn't have any direction .. let alone a Master. i was more like Neutral without a Cap, really. i had no yearnings .. just curiosity for the lifestyle.

then, one night about a half a year ago .. i saw *her*. i saw ~*~claudia~*~ in the basement. i had seen her before, of course .. but this time, i really Noticed her. and with the way that she handled herself .. with such Grace and Dignity .. and Honour .. to be called slave .. well, that just did it for me. i knew right then and there that i wanted to be a slave. not a subbmissive, or a "subbie" .. but a (b)slave(/b). i wanted to embody the word mind, spirit, and Soul. my very being .. Wanted this .. and i Knew .. that i Had to Have it.



so that's why i'm the slave .. and person .. that i am today down in the Basement. now, if you were unsure like i was .. then maybe this might help you a little towards your descision of what role you want to play down in the basement. if you aren't unsure, and know exactly what you want, then that's *wonderful*! many, many people that come down into the basement don't know what they want, as did i not know. sometimes the road is rough .. and sometimes it's smooth sailing. but it's never All of Either. it's always either or. *always*. and it changes every day. you have to remember that .. and you have to be Able to take the bad days in Stride .. and to keep the good memories .. Close to your Heart.

all too many submissives are scared off on their first instance down in the basement. sometimes it's because they're really afraid that they won't come off as "right", or "nice", or "the good submissive". just be Yourself. don't worry about what other people think about your personality or words. the people that will like you will like you, and the people that won't, won't. it's hard to make friends .. and easy to make enemies. that's a fact of life. and if you keep on working on the making friends part .. then the enemies won't seem that bad in retrospect.



now, it's always good to "sit back and watch" the room at work. it's good to maybe lurk for a week or two when you first find bianca's. it helps you find out whom is Owned to whom, what people you want to get to know right away, and what people you want to avoid. but, i want to say, that once you do de-lurk, and go into the room, don't be afraid to jump in and ask someone a question! as long as the person isn't in a scene, they will most likely be more than glad to answer the question. it's *good* to want to gain knowledge from people that have been there longer than you have. the rules in the basement doesn't cover everything. so if someone directs you to that infamous link and brushes you off, then don't be discouraged, just ask someone else for help. you'll most likely find someone quickly that will have a conversation that will answer at least some of your questions, worries, etc. i know that i love to give advice to newbies who want to know more about the lifestyle in the basement. it's wonderful to know that people want to get invovled. so, don't just "sit and watch", after you enter the room. bounce around, be energetic, and ask lots of questions. that's the only way you'll gain knowledge from the people down there. and don't worry, we don't all bite. *winks*

this also brings to mind the Respect issue. i myself, hand a simple Respect to people that i don't know. that is, i will be polite to them, but nothing more than that. if i do know them well, then i Respect them ... as long as they Respect me back. i also do not Cap adjectives while i'm talking to a Dom/Me that i don't know. now, that's a personal preference of mine, and you certainly don't need to follow it. i'm just saying that i feel it's a Respect that i don't let everyone have. you need to draw some lines about whom you're going to Respect and whom you aren't. and Yes, as a submissive, you *do* have the right to Respect whomever you chose to, and don't need to Respect every Dom/Me that comes along!! Respect is something that is Valued .. Treasured .. and you should Not give it to anyone that comes along. that way, you get walked over very easily.



getting noticed is also something that's important when you're new. it's okay to do a tentative post saying that "you're bored", or that "you wish someone would talk to you". but, screaming in all Caps that you hate everyone because no one will pay attention to you is considered as Very uncouth. *grins* so, you might not be in the limelight at all times while you're in the Basment. but that's something that you'll have to get used to, as it happens a lot, and you can easily pass the time by striking up a conversation or finding a free subbie friend to play around with.

entrances are good things to have to get people to notice you in the basement. i myself, am kind of "known" for my entrances. mine have always fluctuated from being very elaborate, to being very simplistic, to being hardly an entrance at all. if i don't *feel* like making a big entrance, then i don't. that's it. if i feel like being noticed .. then i try to. nothing else really to that, for me. i got a lot of my inspiration from other people's entrances, too. so if you want a Grand Entrance, then sit back and watch the room and the entrances and you'll learn a lot. from how you want to portray your apperance to what kind of writing style you'll use.



finding a Dom/Me can be hard. but, that is something that isn't always that bad. it *should* be hard to find a Dom/Me .. because this kind of lifestyle, even in vt, needs trust, love, and utmost Respect and communication with one another to Truly Work Out. being new, you will be anxious for companionship, and might want a Dom/Me right off the bat. but that is really something that will just hurt you in the end. BD/SM relationships that are brought about on the fly rarely work out. so, play around with different Dom/Mes and don't commit yourself to just one right away. wait and try to find out what you most want from a relationship like this one. have one or two Dom/Mes interview you .. test the waters before jumping in. that's basically all i have to say on this. and *never* jump in without your head screwed on tightly. it's easy to get caught up in this lifestyle quickly, but you really should try to take it as slow as you can. i know that i regretted making quick decisions down in the basement .. and you just might, too.

well, i think that's about it. i hope that my words help you in finding yourself down in the basement. remember, just be yourself, have fun, and don't take the room as a whole too seriously. take your relationships seriously .. but don't let it all overtake your life if you don't want it to. always put your views and values first before anyone else's .. and don't compromise them. it's easy to be weak while being a submissive .. but if you are weak in your submission .. then that means that you were never a submissive in the first place. because if submissives are anything .. They Are Strong.

written by stellar~





my story ....
As I walked through the doors of Bianca's and found the basement. A new and very interesting way of life opened its arms and welcomed me into the realm of BD/SM. Being very new to this world and its ways, I took the advice of a dear friend who was a basement regular and sat in the shadows for awhile.



I watched... and when I felt I was ready I entered the room,...not being the least bit shy I started right into the conversations with the others,...only to find that I was to... well... pushy..I guess. To my suprise a Master in the room found me full of untrained energy, and he spoke with me, trying to fit into thisrealm, and eager to please, I went private with this Master and spoke of my need to learn. This Master was caring and taught me that my eagerness to please was good but only to the right Master, I wondered how one found the "right Master".. and truly wanting learn,...I was collared by this Master I had never done this before and my mind reeled with excitiment as he would give me command's to carry out to please him and to teach me,... I ate, drank, and slept this Master and soon found out this had spilled over into my real life and it was now starting to control me. Then one fateful day I went into my private room and found a goodby letter from my Master, he no longer could stay with me VT and was leaving the domain. I never heard from him again in this realm as his collared slave.



What this taught me was not to be so eager. Now being a new subbie and not having very much training and after the last experince I wasn't so sure I wanted to be collered again. I felt I was an outcast in the realm, just being in the room with all the Master's and Mistress's and watching how the other subbie's would speak when they addressed one,..I felt I could never learn this, but wanting to...I left the basement only to return after a short while this time I was not going to make the same mistake. This time I wasn't going to jump into anything. My desire to learn was real and I wanted a real Dom to teach me. As I spent the days talking with the others a Master in the room would send me little poems...never had I heard such words,...again letting my feels run my mind... I fell into his open arms... willing and eager to please and learn.



Again allowing this to spill in to my real world... again only to find out he was not a real Master. Again hurt and hurt real bad,....again I left.. swearing to never return, stating that there was no real Master's in the room and I wasn't coming back.



Well guess what? I'm back now.. and I do believe that I have found a true Master who is willing to train me. I've been here for almost two years and have finally learned that to be a truly good submissive one must have the patience of Job...and a willingness to explore... and an eagerness and desire to please the right Master/Mistress....



.....As you visit the realm here at Bianca's you find out more about yourself then you ever thought possible, as I did. I now have a RT Mistress and W/we are both still learning as W/we visit a wonderful place called Bianca's.

Just keep in mind this is a VT realm and is a good learning tool for your RT life. If you have a SO and it is a good and solid realationship then please keep VT in VT and don't allow it to spill over in your RT life... unless of course this is what you seek. It may not be as green on the other side as you had thought and your time spent in the basement will had been in vain. But by all means use all you learn to benifit your RT life. Please stay and visit with U/us.... W/we would love to have you... *warm~lil~smile*....

written by sassy





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